Prologue:
As mentioned before (in some
other site – the competition…), time passes by so quickly; you’d think someone
used a haste spell on you (all you need right now is the cheap drum effect of
the stand-up comedian). I mean, it was such a recent event, us looking for the
fountain of youth, Kritz sleeping around the clock, Lucky getting lucky, Yoav
getting lucky…
Good times…
Act I:
About this year’s YKB, it
started with a jam, no matter what was your destination and time of departure,
a million people decided to do the same… this led to a late faggy who kept
trying to boss us around (“get the snacks from the shelter!!!”), not to mention
his senile nature (“the screen! ARGH!!!” or “the keys! ARGH!!!” or “the
buckets! ARGH!!!” – right next to the car you moron!). What can I tell you,
after having to sit in the passenger sit with Hadi driving and then with Eyal,
I’m so grateful for being alive…
Act II:
Then came the unpacking, we
learned Yoav will never be a bell-hop since it takes him forever to take a
pillow out of the car (all that waiting in the middle of the highway – all you guys
needed was a BBQ next to you and people would think it’s independence day…) I
swear to god, if we weren’t there he’d still be in the midst of taking stuff
out of the car…
Act III:
After rearranging the house
we started playing, Lyren turned out to be a thief (OH NO!!! Who could have
guessed?!??) and a vigilant mage (yea right) not to mention his great fighting
skills (no palm nor paw will survive the wrath of the merchant guild!). I
wasn’t surprised, as I was one to oppose the usual mega-dungeon (which is
actually a mass of hack and slash/fun rooms), I think we can manage the
elaborate plot and riddles (even Yoav – and don’t make that mopy face, ever
since you started playing the insane, you contributed nothing when it came to
actual role play or philosophical debates), it takes us forever to do the most
simple of things, that’s what you get when you have a bunch of characters who
are not Brun stupid – we think then we act…
Act IV:
The food. As we always do,
yet again we brought enough to feed all of my x-girlfriends for a month (trust
me, they were not all thin…), every now and then one of us rose as he heard an
intoxicating call from the kitchen, I’m only glad I wasn’t one to yield to the
cry of the matured ketchup…
Act V:
The toilette. I’m not about
to go into my habits and quirks when it gets to that part of the house, still,
it wasn’t the same, we actually had flushing capabilities, soap, towels… we
also had one upset fag-tummy that rumbled on and on about relieving itself (8
times he went!), even in the middle of the night…
However, some things never
change, you should have seen the mass of pubic curls on the sink (err… toilette
– course of habit…) it was just like the bomb shelter.
Act VI:
The shower. I will skip the
neurotic cold shower (no lucky…) or Hadi – did anyone even notice when he got
in or out? Guess who made a big splash? Yup, our friendly neighborhood fag… It
started with whining about the temperature of the water, continued with
horrible singing (yes, yes, we all know, you have a tape at home in the
shower…) and drove me mad when he got bored so he started talking to (“SHUT THE
FUCK UP! I’M TRYING TO GET SOME SLEEP!”). Here’s an idea: shorter showers!
Act VII:
The bed. Better yet, the bed
partner… after viewing carefully the sleeping bags brothers (pencil-spine Matia
and mummified Hadish) I thought I had it made, but alas, I was wrong… So wrong…
It started pretty nice (a
mini slumber party) all was well, the mattress and the mistress (faggy) were
adequate, but when I realized my restless partner had a tendency of waking up
every 30 minutes, grumbling about it, and slamming doors (or himself into the
bed – and if you remember the bear commercial – one is hoping while the other
sleeps, well, I bet I’d feel it as a major tremor even if he’d miss the bed and
crush to the floor).
I’m not even wading into the
nocturnal sound effects; suffice to say I had better nights while sleeping in a
tent…
Act VIII:
Breakfast. All I can say is
how? How on earth can anyone eat so much after the culinary trip our tummies
embarked on the day before? I couldn’t watch Yoav as he stuffed his face with
all four major food types: vegetable, nicotine, caffeine and tzimcao…
God help you all, I could
barely taste the honey cake and eat some soup… Most important meal of the day
my ass!
I could barely keep focus on
the game as it was…
Act IX:
The homecoming. As always,
dividing the chores wisely is very important. Hadi and were in charge of the
moving, faggy was responsible for cleaning (I helped – so long as I didn’t
clean toilettes…). Yoav you ask? He cleaned his eye lenses. And the sink…
We still had to wait for the
neurotic bubber…
Act X:
Later that night. Do you
think we had enough? Oh no, we just had to go out, drink ourselves silly and
dance like there’s no tomorrow – and there was one, we went out on that one
too…
Epilogue:
As, always, there’s the part
when the one who arranged the house (wrecking zone) gets a little cranky (“I’m
never getting us a house to play in again!!!”) but when the dust settled, it
was one of the best YKBs up to date, next year we’ll enjoy the hospitality of
some other porn mistress/crazed dog/etc. you just wait and see…
Good Idea
Having a spell slinger.
Better Idea
Having a mage who slings
spells.
Best Idea
Having
a sane mage as a spell slinger.
Bad Idea
Not
having a spell slinger.
Worse Idea
Having
a rogue as a spell slinger.
Worst Idea
Having
a fumbling merchant as a spell slinger – why don’t you just use wild magic or
something???
Good Idea
Eating a balanced meal
Bad Idea
Eating
gallons of soup, peeing like there’s no tomorrow…
Worse Idea
Eating
the entire hen-house, pooping like there’s no tomorrow…
Worst Idea
Going
out after the game, drinking like there’s no tomorrow, almost puking like
there’s no tomorrow…
Good Idea
Checking expiration
dates on food products.
Bad Idea
Eating
fermented humus
Worse Idea
Dipping
your bread in symphonia a la mould.
Worst Idea
Finding
last week’s condensed milk in the bomb shelter.
As Bad as it gets
Trying
vintage ketchup with you’re bread-crumbs coated products only to realize that
special after taste wasn’t salmonella (you’d wish!) rather the residues one
gains after years in the Ganor storage area…